my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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