Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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