i just google imaged poop.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
sarcasm needs its own font
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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