I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So much rum. So many feels.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
