Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
