Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
