On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
