I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
