I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
