I never want to see another naked old woman again.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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