So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize