just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Randomize
