My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
