And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He has the fingertips of a God
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