You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
