dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
