I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
