capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She announced her abortion via fbk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
