Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
