We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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