So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
