I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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