Non-Jews are for practice
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
