he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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