Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
