i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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