it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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