The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
