That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
