You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
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The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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