I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
