you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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