My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
did i just pee glitter
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
