Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
