Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
