I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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