After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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