that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
