It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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