idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
