My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
