It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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