Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize