I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Can i not drive my cunt home
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize