idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
