Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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