im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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