At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
