I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
