Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
