where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize