My Higher Power is John Stamos
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
