The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
