dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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