Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
