jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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