i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
