Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
