Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
