oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
