Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
