I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
